Wednesday, June 15, 2011

As of yet undiscovered and unkown Secret Russian Technology

Hey so I am going to make this post short cuz i have to study and eat and sleep and go out and speak russian instead of sitting here typing english. Although I do have russian music blasting (your song tina... Каралева). Ima say a few things that i rushed home to jot down before I forget and ima try and do it in a little bit of a funny way. my fake thesis in this post are the technologies that the russian government has that they have not shared with the west, lemme break it down for you: (disclaimer - there are all slightly going to be hyperboles - lol a 'slight' hyperbole :P and i do not mean to talk down or offend any part of the russian culture. i LOVE it here)

1) The Dual Action Eye Dilator and Sedative - this drug, most likely found hidden in the insanely delicious Blinyi stands throughout the city, serves a dual purpose as it seems to both severely dilate peoples eyes as well as cuz ridiculous amount of desensitization to the environment but... how is this all manifested? at first, before i learned of this miracle drug, it was incredible to me how all the people on the street and in the metro acted. every person seemed to have this skill of looking right, and i mean RIGHT at you but still through you, centered maybe 2 cm behind the back of your head. everyone does it and they do it always. I dont think I have looked a single person i dont know actually in the eyes since i got here, except the police and that was moments before I hid in an alcove hoping they were coming after me.  the sedation comes into play when something happens in the environment. for all americans out there imagine yourself in this situation: you are standing on a bus, which is just going down a main street. suddenly, immediately behind you, like within 3 feet, a women drops something large and heavy, heavy enough that it makes a sound when it impacts the ground, simultaneously she screams AT THE TOP of her lungs... because the thing she dropped was her baby. What do you do, at every point in that scenario? Well, for starters, you turn around when you hear the baby fall and definitely turn around when you hear the woman scream, let alone any kind of help you offer the woman. Well this exact situation happened on a bus i was on today and, luckily, i standing in a place where i could see the woman and didnt have to turn, but i definitely would have it would have certainly immediately pinned me as a foreigner because no one, and i mean no one, including the man right in front of her, moved a single inch.

2) The world's most advanced drivers training program -
I dont know how the rest of russia is but i can speak for petersburg pretty well at this point... the drivers here are unprecedentedly skilled. i cannot begin to describe the fear in the hearts of the pedestrians or even people sitting on the patio of a restaurant but the drivers are utterly masterful.  Crosswalks here are interestingly timed, allowing about 15 seconds to cross a 6 to 8 lane street which.  Cars often travel, at cruising speed, into crosswalks loaded with people walking, and somehow manage not to hit a single one of them, it is awesome to watch.  furthermore, on half the streets, esp the circle parts, there are no lanes and traffic can move freely into any lane basically. I am not sure if this is the worlds most advanced drivers training school or some kind of telepathic communication that all people in st petersburg have but it is just breathtaking.

3) Weather control... yes, its here people!
So this is only really for the people who arent studying or know that much about russia, so basically everyone, but I have the honor of being in St Petersburg for the so called White Nights, which basically means that it is light, like daytime light, until about 2 am and then its dark till like 5 am, yeah..... 3 hours. and what that means is that there are a large, large number of people out in the city, the main parts of the city atleast, until extremely late and if i wasnt studying, i would be freaking AWESOME. children, adults, families are all walking around and talking and partying and eating and it is light outside and you look at the clock and youre like "1:30.... WTF!?" its really cool.

ok I have to go study for class tomorrow. see you guys later 


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Speaking of weather control....


  3. я добрался до вас, я добрался до вас, и он не имеет никакого значения, если это ты сука с тобой, мой человек десять переключатель так что давайте, мы были смотреть друг на друга поняли.

  4. jose - that one i do not recognize... :(

    sam - woa! that's weird... maybe i should take my comment down before anyone sees it **looks around suspiciously**